We’re grateful for the full week off over Christmas (21st-28th) though I’m sure that’s only the case as the regular Wednesday match would have fallen on Christmas Day. It didn’t stop them from booking a match for us next Wednesday on New Year’s Day, but whatever.
Our final match of the calendar year is a home Premier Division fixture with Newry. They’re dangerously close to the relegation playoff spot. A decent enough win by us and they’d drop a spot based on goal difference. I’d like to see that happen.
It’s a win albeit a less than resounding one. I’m almost positive the shot count ended up where it already was by halftime. We do have a couple of cast iron penalty appeals waved away, as Tarrant was clattered by Emerson once and then— word for word from the commentary box — “fouled in the penalty area, going past Colin Bell”.
HAPPY NEW YE…Get to bed lads, we’ve got a match today. It’s an evening match, so at least we get a little lie in before we board the bus to Newtownards. We’re playing Ards in our weather-delayed match from two weeks ago.
It’s a very sluggish start for us leading to Ards grabbing the lead in the 34th minute. That seems to wake our lads up and by the break, Clarke and Black have scored a goal each to get our noses in front. We throw everything but the kitchen sink at the Ards backline in the second half but only manage to add another goal via a deflected own goal.
The gap between Champions Cup matches over two months (7–12–2002 to 11–02–2003) so we’ve got a long run of domestic fixtures to play. Distillery visit us next, a side we’re perfect against in the three competitive matches we’ve played. They’re bottom, we’re top, let’s show them why.
It’s a surprisingly competitive match and we’re lucky to come out the victors. Unluckily, we get ourselves ANOTHER three month torn groin injury. I’m really not sure if it’s the players, the field or the physios that need fixing. The Board won’t upgrade the stadium but there are a few physios I submit contract offers to.
The Shamrock is rocking as Glenavon return for yet another Mid Ulster Derby. They’ve got about an average a record as one can have, but with the league top-heavy with us/Linfield/Glentoran running away with it, Glenavon are sitting in (and clinging to) 4th place.
No prizes for guessing who wins MotM for this one. It’s an absolute annihilation of a match as we pelt the Glenavon goal with shots. Only one of our THIRTEEN shots sneaks in, while Glenavon’s lone shot on target is a late pot shot that levels the match at the death. I’d be even angrier than I am if it wasn’t for my inner child giggling at the referee’s name.
We get Glenavon at Shamrock Park two weeks after that debacle, but we’re on the road for the two before and two after. We travel to Drumahoe to face Institute. They’re pushing for a top 4 spot as they’re right on Glenavon’s heels. Maybe we should throw this match just to spite our rivals…or maybe not.
Well, with Institute’s first two shots of this match, they score. Making it three shots on target and three goals conceded in the last 135+ minutes of football. Kielty levels the match briefly, but it’s more shocking points dropped. Win their matches in hand and Linfield and Glentoran could be two and three points behind us.
Maybe we can play well against a non-league side? Our Irish Cup draw has paired us with Ards Rangers. They’ve got ten players each on 20 quid per week and the rest are greyed out youths.
We don’t concede on the Rangers’ only shot and we score two of our own to advance to the Sixth Round…which is more than I can say for Linfield and Glentoran who both crash out. We’ll face the winner of Limavady Utd and Chimney Corner (great name).
I hope to ride the uber-high of beating that non-league side into our next match as we look to avenge that ridiculous draw with Glenavon two weeks ago.
We absolutely dominated our last match with them and it ended in a draw. So this time around we decide to have a closely contested battle with them but come out winners. Marcelle scores just after the break for the lone marker of the match.
Our next two fixtures are — as Northern Irish scheduling happens to go sometimes — both visits to The Oval in Belfast to face Glentoran. They still have enough matches in hand to come within five points of our total, so these matches are a very big deal indeed.
Glentoran are the better side for the first 45 minutes, but Tarrant pops up to give us the lead. The scores are levelled five minutes before the break and we come in to the dressing room right where we started. I make a couple of changes due to possible niggles. Doherty is in for de Freitas up front and Fitzgerald comes in for Black. I shuffle the formation to make a narrow 3–2–2–1–2 and the change pays off. We play much better football and Tarrant gives us the lead with ten to go, followed by a Fitzgerald insurance strike a couple of minutes later. It’s a huge three points against our rivals.
I try out the new formation (it’s a variation of a 3–2–3–2 like requested, Board!) in part two of our Oval trip. They’ve seen the formation before but didn’t seem to be able to do much about it.
They must have read my mind and made a plan for the new formation. We’re outplayed, certainly. But not to biggest-defeat-of-my-tenure levels. It didn’t help that Crozier and McAulay sh*t the bed out there while five Glentoran players ended on 9s and fought amongst themselves for MotM. Let’s just move on without saying anything else about it.
Back to the trust old 3–2–3–2 we go. We’re back at home and ready to bounce back. Cliftonville are sitting mid-table, safely above any relegation issues and safely below the added pressures of any future European football.
Clarke puts his stamp on this one. As the longest serving Port, he seems to take the record loss personally and fires off a trio of goals to get us back on track. After than last loss, Linfield are nipping at our heels so these three points were vital.
And speaking of Linfield, they arrive on our doorstep one week later. They won their match in hand during the week, so they’re two points back now…but hopefully a bit tired still. It’s time for yet another top of the table clash (TOTTC from here on out).
Mr Ricky Clarke continues his devastating marksmanship with a second consecutive hat trick. It’s an otherwise even match actually, save the shooting percentages. Alan Mannus — capped at the U21 level for Northern Ireland — has a shocker in the Linfield goal with a 3.
I tell Clarkey in training on Monday that perhaps another three goals wouldn’t go amiss on Wednesday. Our visitors might score a few of their own as my scout tells me that Messrs Shevchenko and Inzaghi are “a threat that shouldn’t be taken lightly”.
Well, they’ve never seen anything like us. Or at least not in recent memory. A club with a sub-£7k wage bill and only 1,000 seats for fans? Probably a few decades ago at the earliest…
Well, their hat-trick hero out-hat-tricks our hat-trick hero. Their’s (worth approximately £20.5M) nets a five minute trio of goals on either side of half time and ours (worth approximately 1/100th at £240k) is completely stifled. It was clear we were lucky to get this far, but I was hoping we wouldn’t embarrass ourselves this badly. No points from three matches and one goal scored versus eight conceded.
It’s a different Cup next and a different calibre as we face Limavady Utd at the Shamrock in the Irish Cup 6th Round. They’re sitting 2nd in Div 1 and are looking good for a promotion playoff spot. We change a few faces but keep the ones that performed well against Milan midweek.
We’re never in any real danger of losing this one. Up two at the break, I make three changes that turn our formation into a 2–2–3–3. They hadn’t registered a shot yet, so I felt we were safe. It’s an even second half and we still score once more before conceding at the death.
Having guided Queen of the South to the absolute bottom (10th place in Division 3) of the Scottish Football League, Liam Brady has been selected as for Linfield’s managing vacancy. Dave Mosson moved to Reading a couple of weeks ago, so perhaps that’s another reason for our recent 4–0 victory over them. I hope Brady’s tactical nous makes our lives a little easier at the top of the Premier Division table.
Our return fixture with AC Milan is upon us quite quickly. Eight days after their visit to the Shamrock, we’re heading to the San Siro. While qualification from this group is next to impossible, I’d like a decent showing of ourselves and I’d LOVE some more gate receipts.
Well, at least my next opponent scout ain’t a liar. Shevchenko and Inzaghi are indeed threats that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Tarrant isn’t quite on the same level as those two…or maybe he is and he just doesn’t get the same service??? And even though we didn’t take those two lightly, they’re still devastating. Milan again score JUST as the ref is about to whistle for the break and the floodgates open. This loss officially eliminates us from knock-out stage contention, not that it was really in doubt. A million quid in gate receipts is a welcome consolation.
After some back and forth negotiating, we’ve added another player to the squad. He’s a Gambian international with Dutch second citizenship. The free agent — having been released by Willem II in the summer — required a hefty signing-on bonus (£120k) as our £300/week max wage was well short of his requested £1,000.
Ceesay is straight in to the lineup to face Ards in the league. They’re teetering on the edge of a relegation battle while we sit five points clear at the top.
We take control from the outset and pop cruise control on far too early. We don’t attempt nearly as many shots as our dominance would suggest. When we’re up early, we’re like a bite like Arsenal: always trying to walk it in. You won’t find me complaining about a comfortable 3–0 win too loudly though.
As I’m glancing through the weekly budget papers, something jumps out at me. Our transfer funds have jumped from a maximum of £300k all the way up to £2.6M. I’m not sure if there’s anyone worth getting but I fire off all kinds of bids.
I fail miserably with loads of offers, but it turns out it was a pretty good idea after all. We land this chap (Douglas’ old Ajax teammate) for a bargain £500k, increasing to £2.1M if he ever manages to get ten international caps. A Curacaoan by birth, he’s light years better than every striker we have and should absolutely smash domestic competition, as well as anchor next season’s European adventure. Unfortunately for him, he was behind Machlas, Mido and Zlatan in the pecking order and has only featured for the club 18 times since his debut (replacing Benni McCarthy) back in late 1998.
Both new signings will be unavailable for the trip to Spain on Tuesday (sorry, lads!) so they start today along with a few other fringe players. Hose hasn’t played all year so he’s lacking any kind of match fitness. We’re up north at Coleraine who sit in 6th with seven matches remaining in the season.
It’s a tight battle that we’re fortunate to come out on top of. Fitzgerald nets our lone goal while Hose also scores one that’s ruled out for a dubious offside call. We’ll take it though!
Off to sunny Spain we go, although it’s actually one degree cooler here for our Champions Cup match than it was in northern Northern Ireland for our last league match. Charly gives me a warm handshake, knowing that this should be his easiest match of the group…and Patrick Vieira is completely healthy this time around.
Camp Nou is an imposing place. The 87k fans in attendance only make it moreso. So what do we do about it? We commit a red card/penalty shot offence within the first dozen minutes. Brilliant. Patty V fouled, Patty K converts. A brace from Rivaldo follows shortly afterwards before Patty K scores another penalty on the half hour mark. Down a man and four goals at half, I replace Beevor (rating of 3) and McAulay (rating of 4) and send the rest out like lambs to the slaughter. Only we actually score! On the only shot we take! Luis Enrique restores Barca’s four-goal lead late on, but whatever. We always knew we were here for the cash, after all. £1M in gate receipts cheers me up no end.
The Irish Cup looks rather thinned out at this point. No Linfield or Glenavon left and a chance at a semi-final spot against a non-top-flight team still available. We get Hose and Ceesay back into the XI and send them out to do some damage.
It takes a while, but we get the result we deserve. Hose gets off the mark for us in what I hope is a first strike of many. One minor quibble: what’s with all the 45th and 90th minute goals we’re conceding? I swear, every third goal we concede is in added time. Very strange…
We have one final Champions Cup match of the year to play, and it’s our one final chance to avoid joining Kosice (1997–98) as the only teams with zero points in a Champions Cup Group Stage. And our goal difference is markedly worse than theirs (albeit in the Second Group Phase).
We’ve got Glasgow Celtic in town who seem quite comfortable at Shamrock Park for some reason. Perhaps it’s got something to do with their club crest…
Well, we don’t earn a victory, point, or even a goal. Shearer nets the only goal of the match to resign us to a 0–0–6 record in the group. But…
…we play SO much better and leave our fans both entertained and happy. We even managed to get a record number of fans through the gates for a match that meant absolutely nothing for us.
The transfer window closes in one week and since we’re no longer in Europe, the guidelines say I can sign players from anywhere! I spend some time perusing my not-so shortlist for players. The £7.7M war chest we have (of which I can spend £2.6M) is burning a hole in my pocket.
Oh, what’s that, assman Stephen McCullough? We’ve clinched a top-3 spot in the league and have therefore earned a European spot for next season already? F*ck f*ckity f*ck f*ck f*ck.
My scouts are still looking for potential Dutch players to bring in but none seem too keen to join a semi-pro side with a 1K seat ground and training facilities that “need some investment” no matter how far we went in the Champions Cup…
Six league matches and an Irish Cup match (maybe two) to go. While Glentoran have dropped off the Premier Division pace somewhat, Linfield are keeping the pressure on us sitting just five points back. Not shocking, I suppose. Since the 20th of November, they’ve played two domestic Cup matches. We’ve played three domestic cup matches and five continental ones in that same time period, while playing the same number of league fixtures.
We’ve actually got a two week break for international play after we travel to Newry for our next match. I don’t feel too bad about playing some not-100% lads considering. The league is turning into a top two, then Glentoran, then five teams, then the bottom two. Newry are bringing up the rear of that middle five.
What a day to absolutely crap the bed. More shots, more corners, more passes, more tackles, more headers, three fewer goals. Ridiculous. 5s and 6s from my GK/DCs and a 9 for the opposing keeper.
Thank God they haven’t invented a stat to measure how good chances were over the course of the match and then provide a number that equates to how many goals a team should have scored. If they ever do, they should call it something catchy like “NOGYSHSBOHYP” for: Number Of Goals You Should Have Scored Based On How You Played.
At least Linfield only drew their match, so they’re still four points behind with five matches to play. Magic Number: 12
The two weeks weeks off are used to prepare ourselves for the final run-in. We’ve got five league matches — three on the road and two at home — with a home Irish Cup semi-final thrown in left to play. And we’re visiting dead last Distillery in Lisburn to kick things off.
That’s more like it. A brace (separated by 82 minutes) for Hose but Doherty earns MotM for his goal and assist. We concede just a single shot on target on the defensive side of the ball too. Solid play all around. That’s some more misery for Distillery while we keep our distance over Linfield. Four point gap, four matches to go. Magic Number: 9
With both Hose and Doherty on 9s last match, Tarrant is on the bench for our Irish Cup semi-final tilt with Armagh. They’re topping Division 1’s table while we’re topping ours. I think the semi-final venues were picked at random, so we lucked out that we’re at home…though we’re sitting on the away bench and playing in our away colours?
We don’t get off to a great start as we allow the single shot/goal combo for the umpteenth time this season. We level before halftime but the score doesn’t reflect our dominance. Thank goodness for Tarrant and Marcelle who come on at the break to score three second half goals to send us through to face Coleraine in the final next month.
Glentoran are in a weird spot. With four matches remaining, they’re 14 points behind Linfield for 2nd place and 16 points clear of Glenavon in 4th. They have nothing to really play for and I hope their players don’t feel like playing spoiler…
Well, they don’t come out of the gate like they’re that interested in the match as Marcelle scores twice in the first five minutes. Glentoran settle in to the match as it goes on, but never threaten our lead. Marcelle even finishes off his hat trick at the death. Four clear, three to go. Magic Number: 6
For some weird reason, Peterhead have waited until the transfer window was closed to make an offer for one of our reserve players. We also manage to convince another Dutch player to join us in the summer. He’s no world-beater, but options to strengthen/deepen the squad seem pretty thin on the ground at the moment.
Today could be the day. A win for us and a loss by Linfield and we’d repeat as league champs. A few of injuries (Ceesay, Pinas, Callinor) necessitate some rotation, as well as hat trick hero Marcelle keeping his spot.
We come out on top of another even match. Tarrant’s late goal proves to be the winner, though any of the three denied penalty appeals would have been welcome. Despite the poor-ish passing, de Visscher plays a heck of a match in goal.
I check the scoreboard for results elsewhere and Institute have done us a massive favour. Not quite massive enough for a Portadown victory parade, but they do hold Linfield to a 1-goal draw. We’re six points clear with two matches to play and are now on the precipice of another league title. Magic Number: ONE.
There seems to be a little disagreement in world news as the English media believe Liverpool will win the Champions Cup while Italian media think Roma will. Having had our asses handed to us by both Barcelona and AC Milan earlier, I’m not sure what to think.
Just our luck. Tarrant crocks himself for a month with a groin strain the day before our potential title-winning match. He’ll also miss out on our Cup Final too. We shuffle the cards a bit and send out an XI that should still be able to get the job done. After doing us a favour last week, we now need Instutute to NOT do one for Linfield. A point and we’re champs.
What a match! We’re up three at the break thanks to a Hose brace and an early Doherty strike. We’ve got FIVE potentially injured players, so I replace three of them and cross my fingers. Clarke subs on to score a 90th minute penalty and we’ve done it!
The Board are happy, the fans are singing my name and even though I can’t quite figure out which tune they’re using for “Terrance Henry Stoot”, I’m revelling in it. We may end up going from a treble winning side (League, Cup, Cup) to a double winning side (League, Charity Shield) this season, but it’s no doubt the best season in Portadown’s almost 80 year history.
The only thing at stake in our final match is a shot at a Premier Division record as we’re equal on points to our total from last season. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 8th, 9th and 10th are all set in their positions, while 4th-7th could completely flip-flop based on today’s results. Our opponents (Cliftonville) are the 8th place side, breathing a huge sigh of relief that they’re staying up.
We’re four up before halftime and leave Cliftonville utterly demoralised. Pinas scores is first and second goals for the club and then keep-away is the name of the game in the second half.
The final league table shows the dominance of the top two. 4th place of ten had a bang average 12–12–12 record. Linfield even had a better goal difference than we did, which explains the individual player ratings. Their strike force of Larmour and Ferguson again leading the pack.
I have no idea how de Visscher is our only player on that list, considering where we finished and how well we played. Perhaps my constant rotation to preserve fitness stops the lads from getting into a proper groove. We do have four more players in the top 24, but it’s really not what you’d expect from a record-breaking side.
One more match to go as we try to turn our double to another treble trophy season. I decide to send out an identical XI and XIV to last match since it went so well. We’re got Coleraine at massive (relatively speaking, as Coleraine’s Showgrounds and the Shamrock each have 1k) Windsor Park and it’s 14,500 seats.
Maybe we need more than a couple of matches in a row to build up any level of cohesion? A week after a masterclass performance, we’re absolutely man-handled by far inferior opposition. We actually took the lead and had the better of it in the first half before we imploded. No Cups for us this season.
Despite the season ending with a whimper, we have had a fantastic year and we’ve got plenty to look forward to. Charity Shield and Premier Division winners. Champions Cup SECOND Group Phase qualification. Visits to some of the most famous stadiums in the world. More money than I’m able to spend. European football again next season. And since arriving, Hose has been our best player by a fair margin. I’m excited to see a full season from him. I’ve even found a few more Dutch transfer targets to make offers for.
Let’s get on with our summer business, shall we?
Editor’s note #1:
I’m not sure who hacked into my account and wrote this third sentence when Brian Baker surprisingly retired at the start of the season…
…but thank goodness Marcelle was here this season. 19 and 15 in 25 starts and 21 substitute appearances? Absolutely bonkers from the 34yo. PotY may well be Tarrant, but that wouldn’t necessarily be my choice.
Editor’s note #2:
Shortly after beginning my summer business, my computer crashed and I lost back to the start of April. I replicated my results/lineups/etc. as best as I could. I made sure we still broke our points record, but I didn’t really care that we crashed out of the Irish Cup at the SF stage the second time around.
